Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
