I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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