Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
