is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
