I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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