I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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