Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
