i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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