wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
