dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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