That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
