I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You ruined the universe
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
