That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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