i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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