you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
