i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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