Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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