why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
