$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
