I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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