The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
