Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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