I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
