is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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