yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
