does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
