Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
