wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
