i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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