I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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