Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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