I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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