I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
