come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
