i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
