Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
