Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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