There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
