are you still at the devil's house?
I think I am morally bankrupt
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
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Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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