If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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