operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize