At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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