soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
do herpes really smell.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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