Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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