$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
