By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
