Only a mothe r could love this liver
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
