she woke up with a sticky ear
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
