this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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