I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
