I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
