I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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