It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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