are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
