Cold hands, warm shart.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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