I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
