I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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