i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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