that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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