I'm jealous of your bromance
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
