dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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