My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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