Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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