i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
