I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
